Have I? 

What I have is I have loved 
                                        as in it is here now among us
threads through each of us; breathes in a full breath


                        
so I have 
                                       I count backwards from ninety
when I start the numbers slowly get smaller
                          which is a comfort
because have I? 


monastic in its approach
             singular in its logic




                          Did I learn the code? By mathematical precision? By memory? 
                          Did I know its attrition?
                          Did each known word circulate
                                                                 did I try and move it


                                                                           Have I?

Have I raised the real peace flag?
Flown it high as my want?
Outlived every last surrender? 

Felt the words as adequate? Felt the words as green earth as warden as forever warmth?